Day 12: Jeans, Food and Almost Home

I am both nervous and ready to come home. That just kinda hit me yesterday. I’ve loved this trip, am so grateful for it, but I’m ready to feel a bit more settled. Maybe if I had the money I would want to go back to Missoula and spend some more time. But as it is I’m looking forward to my room, my bed and familiar faces. Once I broke the isolation of the first week of my trip I started to crave small bits of my life in San Francisco. Though I want to do them all differently.

I think that’s where the nerves come in. I’m afraid I won’t be able to sustain the changes I’ve made once I get home. I feel easier in my body, feel comfortable in a variety of spaces, trust my instincts and ability to take care of myself. There’s a lot less computers, a lot less facebook, a lot less texting. A lot more serenity. I’ve taken big trips like this before and then as soon as I step into my house I slip right back into the world I’d lived before I left. That worries me but I’m trying to lean into the trust I’ve been fostering in myself. If I want these changes to stick, they will. It’s only up to me.

Yesterday I left Seattle (after eating another Mighty O’s Doughnut) and made my way down to Olympia. I had originally planned on spending a few days here but money is running out and I’d prefer to spend the rest of my time among friends. Still I poked around the town a bit. Went thrift store shopping and found a pair of jeans that actually fit semi-decently. In the past few years I’ve become a womyn who wears skirts nearly everyday. This partially has to do with a shift in identity and partially has to do with the complete lack of decent fitting denim in my life. I’ve tried on dozens of jeans and bought probably about 6 thrift store pairs, but I’m always disappointed. My waist is too big, my thighs aren’t big enough, they flair over my shoes, they make it look like my ass is resting somewhere right behind the fold of my knees. Not cute. The jeans I found yesterday are a simple pair of Levi’s and seem to fit well, so let’s keep our fingers crossed.

After eating a tempeh rueben at a local diner I got back on the road to head down to Portland. The internet on my computer doesn’t work well (or often at all) and I was getting weary of looking up directions on my phone. I was glad I stopped but was also pretty glad to go.

I made it back to Portland in good time. Ashley and I were gonna go to dinner at hir friends place but she got called into work. So I drove hir to work and took myself on a date night to see Date Night. I like going to movies on my own but it felt just the teensy bit sad to be going to see a movie called Date Night alone. It was a sweet theater that cost $3 a movie and sold beer. So I grabbed myself a PBR and settled in. It was cozy and the movie made me laugh. Steve Carell and Tina Fey are hilarious. I want Tina Fey to be my date. Or my best friend. I’m not quite sure yet.

I closed the night out with Ashley at a bar eating $1.25 corn dogs and some vegan nachos. Food has been so important on this trip. Well it’s kind of always important to me. The vast majority of people I’ve dated have wooed me with food. Muffins, vegan doughnuts, stuffed portobello caps, etc. I can think you’re sexy, crave conversation with you, but if you don’t love and appreciate food like I do than it probably isn’t gonna work out. Yeah. The majority of the food I’ve eaten on this trip hasn’t been particularly good for my body but it’s been good for the spirit. Yummy, cheap, and pretty exciting. All very good things.

Today Ashley and I are gonna quest for decent swimming in the Portland area. This is crucial. I need more warm swimming before I return to the frigid bay. As of now it’s a bit chilly outside but I’ve got my fingers crossed.