Day 2: Sameness, Bathing in Beauty, and a Diner

I woke up yesterday with some pep, ready to go find all that Boise had to offer. Today I feel slow and cranky. Maybe it’s the dreams of riot cops and hit faces, or the steady stream of processed carbs, or the all-by-myself nature of this trip. Maybe it’s just morning.

Driving through Eagle, Idaho yesterday I was overwhelmed by the feeling of sameness. The town felt like Chino, like Berea, like every town in-between. I do this when I travel. I look for what is the same. What is familiar. And it leaves me feeling like I can’t ever really be somewhere new. I remember feeling the same way when I traveled in Europe. I was never as awed as other people were. I was never as sad to leave. It must come from moving so much as a kid. From needing to readjust quickly and get comfortable. From needing to pretend like the comings and goings of people and places weren’t important. I just hang in the middle. But that middle can feel a little dull at moments. Can feel like a distortion.

But there were also moments of beauty. I went to Eagle State Park where I lay in the steady Idaho sun until the water looked good. The place was full of families who carried pool noodles and inflatable rafts and plastic coolers heavy with beer. I tried to feel at ease among the crowds. Tried to feel like I belonged without the crew of friends and loved ones I wished I had with me. But that wasn’t the beautiful part. The beauty came after I eased my way into the river, finally took the plunge, and came up remembering my love of water. How anxiety fades once I’m soaked head to toe with it. It came in floating belly up between blades of tall grass and purple flowers. It came in surrender and trying to find the beaver dam I’d heard people whisper about. I never found it but pushing myself to adventure for it, to swim far away from the shore, felt good.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in my hotel room nursing a uterus until I ventured out for dinner. I found an entirely different side of the city when I went looking for the Boise Co-Op. Before I had only seen long lines of strip mall but here was an actual down town. Some historic looking buildings. And the Boise Co-Op was amazing. Seriously. So full of sweet people. I’d gone looking for healthy food and I found it but then…then there was a grilled cheese craving. It was kinda like my lonely little kid voice had a temper tantrum.

So I got in the car and headed towards the only diner I’d heard of. Rockies. I walked inside and it was checkerboard floors, vinyl booths, vinyl records on the wall, a life sized Elvis riding a motorcycle that hung from the ceiling and waitresses on roller skates. I literally laughed out loud. It was perfect. There was even a DJ booth at the back of the restaurant where an older man sat in suspenders and selected songs from Patsy Cline, The Beach Boys, Grease. It was fabulous. And while I ate my rather unremarkable grilled cheese I looked up and saw that The Giants game was on. And there was this moment as I was looking at the tv, knowing that I knew people in the crowd, when I finally felt far away. Because I am. But it was also like having a piece of hir there, the persin I wanted to share the meal with. Because she would have loved that place. We would have split onion rings and laughed and I would have watched hir throw hir head back as she danced in hir seat and sang along. I missed hir there. Missed the fun we could’ve been having. But I was grateful for the Giants, a hometown team, a reminder of hir, a dinner companion.

It’s my last day in Boise and I’ll be heading back to that down-town area. I’m gonna do my best to start conversations, talk to other people. I’ve been keeping pretty quiet aside from the sidewalk hellos and quick requests for food or directions. Trying to break isolation while on a solo road trip is an interesting space to navigate. Tomorrow I’ll be in Missoula. Haven’t decided on camping or a hostel yet. Waiting out the day and this mood.