I’m sitting in my last café of this trip. The Red E in Portland. There is a bit of grief that this adventure is coming to an end but I’m also so ready to come home.
I didn’t take many pictures in Portland. Not because there was nothing worthy of remembering but mostly because it didn’t feel particularly new. There were so many familiar faces/scenes.
Yesterday Alysia and I brunched, shopped and primped. There’s a store here called Fat Fancy which is an all ‘plus size’ thrift/consignment store. I had been looking forward to it my whole trip and Alysia came along for ride. To be real, I wasn’t as in love with it as I thought I would be. There were a few cute pieces but nothing to really scream about. It was nothing compared to Alysia’s front porch were I dug through the clothes she meant to donate and filled a lil bag of my own. For free. I’ve never really had the chance to share clothes with friends. It’s a pretty sweet deal.
After that we went and got our nails done. I got a pedicure. Figured it would be a nice treat. I’m not really a fan of feet (putting it mildly) but mine were looking a little icky. All those rocky streams and dirt roads. So I indulged, laid back in the massage chair and did my best to enjoy it. Usually I find it pretty stressful with all the feet touching and the social dynamics. Race, class, sexuality. But this time was nice enough. Alysia knew the folks working there and they were all real sweet and funny. Still, I always walk away wondering why I just paid someone to do something I could do myself.
The past few days I had been seriously missing my alone time. I’d been with people pretty much 24 hours a day which is a big change from the days and days I’d spent solo. I’ve been realizing just how much solitude I really need to feel like a grounded, content persin. I’ve never really had issue doing things alone. Movies, concerts, events, restaurants, etc. I suppose that really took root my senior year of high school when my life flipped and churned. There was hurt, manipulation, loss and levels of insanity that I can’t even begin to talk about now. I went from having a steady crew to not much of anyone. And I still remember the moment when I told myself that staying home was letting them beat me. I’ve been out and about ever since.
I got a few hours of alone time in yesterday but it didn’t quite feel like enough. I was going to adventure alone but I decided to go to a queer open mic, Dirty Queer, at In Other Words. I didn’t spend all that much time in Portland but I went to In Other Words on about four separate occasions. It’s a pretty nice space and they have an amazing scale in the bathroom that tells you sweet things. Amazing. The event was decent and it was nice to sit in a new room of queers. After it was over I grabbed a snack/beer with Ashley and Shea. Shea is a friend of Irene and pretty much one of the sweetest and most genuine people I’ve met. Just like Irene. I was glad we got a chance to share a meal and chat a bit.
By the end of the night I was happy to be packing up. I got the car ready for the long trip today, packed my bag, shared some ice cream with Ashley and went to bed early.
In just a few minutes Alysia and I are heading out. She needed a ride down for Femme Conference so we’re making the trip together. It feels a little strange to end this solo adventure with another persin but it feels like the right thing. Feels kinda layered with importance that I know will be unfolded. I’m looking forward to familiar roads, sing-a-longs and the bay area skyline. I’m looking forward to home. It feels like I’ve been away so long.
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