I met you a few weeks ago when my general doctor was unavailable. I came in to discuss a serious decrease in appetite. For the past month I had frequently been going entire days without remembering to eat at all. I offered a few possible options and then asked for your thoughts about potential causes. To which you replied, “Well perhaps that's not such a bad thing.....you could stand to lose some weight”. Let me say, I know that I'm fat. I know my body, how I treat it, how I care for it, how I feed it. I know my struggles with it and the great pride it brings me. No degree you've obtained could ever surpass my own intimate knowledge of my body. Which is why I expected only to hear your medical assessment not your personal one.
I did not ask you about my current weight. I asked you why I was no longer hungry. And responding in a way that suggests that starving my body of nutrients was not only acceptable but perhaps preferable is inexcusable.
Your response was not only unprofessional, it was dangerous. Shame is dangerous. And you shamed me. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that people who feel judged, misunderstood and unsafe with their medical providers are much less likely to access support for their health care needs. Which means some real health concerns go unnoticed and untreated. In your profession shame can be deadly.
It has taken me some time but I am moving away from feeling shame when what I should really feel is anger. Betrayal even. I trusted you with something precious, my body and my vulnerability. And you treated them both carelessly. I will never again be a patient of yours but needed to share this with you. For my sake, as well as yours. Also, please send me the information of your supervisor as I will be filing an official complaint.
The oath you took requires more than being able to assess and diagnose medical concerns. It requires that you work hard to uproot your own biases around body size, gender identity, race, sexuality, etc, in order to provide the best care to your patients. I hope you take this seriously and examine what led you to treat a patient with such harmful disregard. I encourage you to reflect on your own feelings about body size and health. Some great resources can be found when researching Fat Phobia.
All the best to you,
Blyth
7 comments:
amazing. so glad you wrote this!
Beautifully - and powerfully - written!
Yes! Thank you for writing this! Thank you for sharing it! Thank you for role modeling the perfect reaction to what so many of us experience! I adore you and am appreciative of you in SO many ways! xoxo
This is so valuable. Thank you for sharing it with us. I know too many people who wish they could have said as much to their doctors.
Excellent letter. However it's a lot more polite than I would have written!
Well done.
Wow!
as a med student, i enjoyed reading this. your analysis of the situation is right on target. my guess is that this physician just didn't have an answer to your question and wasn't sure what to tell you. it's challenging when a patient presents with a complaint we can't explain.
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