Turning Fear Into Action

This past week at church the pastor asked us to consider what we were “afraid to know”, what we were pretending to be ignorant of in order to avoid action. This question has been on my mind for the past week. I just got in a big argument with one of my best friends for his unwillingness to step up and help stop something he knows is wrong. His silence will in the long run hurt alot of people but he is still unwilling to sacrifice any of his persinal comfort in order to help. It made me angry to think that someone I love so much could be so selfish and cowardly.

I sat and thought alot about it and I realized that alot of my anger came from knowing that I have done the same. For the past 5 years I have known the name of the persin who raped me. And by not speaking it I have protected him and left him with the opportunity to hurt others, and I know he has. It is not my fault that he raped other womyn, he is responsible for that action, but it is true that I made it easier for him. It is true that my silence has made me somehow complicit. It's hard not to feel hopeless about this.

It's so hard to know what to do when we know how racist, classist, degrading and unjust the so-called justice system in this country is. How can we turn anyone over to it?
- Laurel Paget-Seekins

I don't trust the judicial system and I don't like the idea of giving the police or the government any extra control over my life, but I'm not sure what else to do. I have always planned on writing him a letter and telling him exactly what he has done to me, but that letter can't serve as warning to the people around him. Part of me wishes that I could just sit down with him and talk to him about it, ask him if he has any understanding of what he did...because I'm not sure he does. I wish things could work that way. The reality is, they can’t.

Tomorrow after church I am going to go to the police station and ask them what the process is for having him charged. It has been a long time so I'm not sure what my options still are. After that I will figure out my next move.

What am I afraid to know? His name.