Looking Forward. Reminders For A New Year.

1. Be kind to yourself. First.
2. Expect honesty from the people who surround you.
3. Know that perfection is impossible.
4. Cultivate community that is self reflective. If people can’t be accountable to themselves, they can’t be accountable to you.
5. Recognize self righteousness as a protective instinct in yourself and others. Ask what’s at the root. Have compassion. Remember #3 and let go.
6. Allow other people to keep their stress. It belongs to them not you.
7. Work on your anger. It is hurting you. Physically and emotionally.
8. Find tools to cope with stress that feel expansive, not isolating. Stop allowing stress to manifest as sores in and on your body. There are other options.
9. Love yourself like you want others to love you. Take the time to understand where you are coming from, listen to your feelings, treat your stories with reverence, touch your body like it’s desirable, go on dates, laugh at your jokes, say you’re proud when you do well, challenge old behaviors that hurt you, create rituals, show up, be excited, say thank you.
10. Do work that focuses on positive aspects of humanity.
11. Respect yourself enough to have boundaries and articulate them.
12. Talk about your mental health. Incorporate intentional mental health care and support into your daily life.
13. Have a lot more sex. Like, a lot more.
14. Remember that sex is one way you connect to your power and your gifts. It is good for you. Trust yourself enough to start trusting others with your body again.  
15. Consider doing some theater or something else performative.
16. Write things that nobody else will ever see. As often as possible. Maybe even daily.
17. Remember writing helps you process and embody your feelings and experiences. Writing makes you feel grounded, clear, inspired. You can do it anywhere.
18. Memory is important to you. You can take notes to remember. Just don’t make it an obsession like it used to be.
19. Find someone who can hold you. Let them. Ask for it when you need it.
20. When people can’t love you, stop asking them to.
21. Facebook can be a great gift. It can also be really depressing. Be wise about how you interact with it.
22. Stop conflating sweetness and manipulation. Manipulation is never sweet and not all sweetness is manipulation.  
23. If it doesn’t feel right, stop doing it. Meaning, ACTUALLY stop doing it.
24. Be vegan and gluten free. At least closer to it. Seriously.
25. Stop assigning foods luxury status when they actually just hurt your body and make you sad.
26. Go to an occasional Al-Anon meeting. Consider starting to work the steps again. It helps.
27. Let go when it’s time to let go. Do it sweetly. Do it all the way. Detachment and abandonment don’t have to be the same things.
28. Build friendships and relationships with people you don’t feel like you have to hide from.
29. It’s ok to compromise. Nothing is permanent.
30. Stop using a new task as a way to take a break. Just take a break.
31. Maybe you want to think about the steps you’d need to take before having a child. What do you want to have in place? What do you want to have accomplished? What is your pre-child bucket list? Start working towards these things. Even if you decide not to have a child, you’ll still have done some good work for yourself.
32. Treat your stomach with great care. When it aches you lose access to your desire and connection and writing. And it’s been aching a lot these days.
33. Get grateful. Appreciate what you have. It’s a lot.
34. Trust yourself. You are more than capable.
35. Ask more questions. Make fewer statements.
36. Let yourself cry every time your eyes sting or well up. Stop blinking back tears. This just might be your revolution.
37. Connect with your body. Do it in on purpose. Appreciate it.
38. Put together a chapbook of your writing.
39. Submit your writing for publication.
40. Say yes more frequently.
41. Fall in love. With yourself first. With someone else if you are lucky.
42. Don’t exaggerate your life for effect. It’s dramatic enough on its own.
43. Remember your sibling’s birthdays. For real. Send them something to celebrate.
44. Be careful about how you combine Facebook and validation. Build human community, allow digital connection.
45. Turn all your electronics off for at least 3 hours a week. Every week.
46. Do more projects.
47. Send more mail.
48. Ask people how they are doing. Have the time and emotional energy to listen.
49. You are a homebody. So make yourself a home.
50. Remember things can be fixed, clothes can be cheap, food can be grown, gifts can be made, and events can be free.
51. Simplicity is not the same as scarcity.
52. Respond to people. Return their email/text/call/letter as soon as you get it or as soon as possible. It makes you feel better and it always takes less time than you think it will.
53. Flirt more. Pretend like you are good at it. Imagine people would be excited to flirt back.
54. Read more books. Every book will teach you something. Even fiction. Especially fiction.
55. Find a way of staying connected to current affairs that doesn’t feel totally soul sucking.
56. You don’t have to tell people everything. Privacy is not the same as lying.
57. You need a lot of alone time. So take it.
58. You need love, connection, kindness, comfort, touch, understanding, appreciation and care. That is not a weakness. It takes great courage to allow yourself to need other people. It will hurt sometimes. It will not hurt always.
59. You are deeply connected to things that are sacred and holy. Grow that relationship. Embrace it. Treat it with respect.
60. You are capable of making life what you would like it to be. You always have been. Look where you are now. It’s pretty great.