Surviving That Night

How did you do it?

It started out nice, a sweet suggestion that maybe we not rush into anything. After all he’d just gotten out of the military, out of their psych unit, and that boy I loved, well he just left, so maybe we needed some time. But no.

Then I laid real still, hoping for a question from that broken friend of mine, looking for a break from his weight on top of me so I might slip through his cracks. But no.

So instead I clenched my jaw, my cunt, praying that scream wasn’t real, praying I could make him come just like the love that had come before him. But no.

Then as he slept, cock splotched with my wet, red wet that spoke nothing of passion, then I soaked in a bath hoping to bring down that pain, that swelling. But no.

A kiss to my forehead in late morning light and he was gone and I was left with something I could not name. A friend that had disappeared in a night, a stain on a sheet, a change. I searched his eyes for something I knew and I thought I could find a reason. But no.